Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Trying to Get a Job Sucks (NSFW like Crazy)

I won't lie and say I wasn't partially at fault for getting laid off, but the majority of it was "we need to let someone go, and you're the unfortunate one with the least active work right now because two municipalities decided to not move forward with projects and take ~6,000 hours worth of work away from you in an instant."  Whatever, I can't fault them for making the business decision that made the most sense at the time because I was trying to do the same thing in looking for a job.  (Plus it didn't work since they're still letting people go, sucks to be them.)

Which brings me to the actual topic of this entry.  Looking for a job fucking blows.  Where do I even begin?  First of all, too many people still don't trust the internet.  So instead of searching through a huge database of qualified people, most companies fill positions with some underling who says "hey I know a guy who knows a guy."  Hiring managers and HR people think this "connection" to these potential employees automatically makes them trustworthy and qualified and blah blah blah.  In actuality, retardation and incompetence is rampant and does not discriminate.

But it leads to a dearth of employment opportunities on job sites, and in the rare instance in which something is posted, Joe Fuckface already has a leg up on you because one of the employees had masturbating class with him in high school.  I've sent out around 200 resumes/applications/cover letters and landed exactly two interviews.  One was for a position in a new office that never ended up being opened, and another was for a position that ended up not being filled because hey, shitty economy.

And companies are even lazier than I am.  It takes almost no effort to print up a rejection form letter, slip it in an envelope and mail it back to me, and maybe 10% of the companies I've sent things to have actually done it.  Which leads to me wasting time calling these places in the hopes that maybe they just forgot about me and actually do need me to be their professional blowjob receiver or something.  Every single time I've heard the same thing though, "yes we received your resume and cover letter; we lit it on fire because fuck you.  Stop calling us."

Plus I have a really awkward amount of experience, two years.  It sits right in between "you actually need to have learned things" and "we just want to pay some dumbass with a fresh bachelors degree as little as possible."  It also means that I don't really have a good handle on what I want to do (that actually stands a chance of paying the bills).  Which sucks because companies always want to hear about how you masturbate every night to thoughts of working for them.  (Or as they put it, "where do you see yourself in five years?"  Uh, probably prison for murdering you for asking such a stupid question.  Can we move on to my strengths and weaknesses?)

It's frustrating because I know there are a million and a half careers I would be adequate at, and plenty I would be really good at and I can't even get my foot in the door.  Or figure out which goddamn door to shove my foot in.  I'm going to end up doing "real" pornography in some sketchy dudes basement/van, I know it.  Actually, that doesn't sound so bad...

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