Friday, June 24, 2011

Where Did You Find This Kid?

Some day I'm going to make it as a writer.  I'm going to get that first book deal, and that second, and more, and each time I'm going to run around the house screaming like it was my first orgasm.  Not only that, but agents and editors and publishers are going to be asking themselves, "where the hell has this kid been?  And do you know why?  It's because I'm good.  I may forget it sometimes, I may have doubts, but deep down I know I'm good.  Damn good.  And it's not because people tell me I'm good and it's not because my mom has read my stuff and told me, "you need to swear less and stop talking about sex."  I'm smart enough to know that people telling me I'm good doesn't mean a fucking thing.

I know I'm good because Victoria and Eli read the first chapter of The Chosen and begged me to send them the rest of the novel.  I know I'm good because my girlfriend finishes my work in what seems like minutes because she can't put it down.  I know I'm good because I gave Ariel an unfinished half of the first draft of an unedited novel that I thought was complete shit, and she stayed up until four in the morning reading it.  I know I know I'm good because almost every one of my sister's friends reads my blog.  I know I'm good because Casie told me that my stuff moved her to tears.  I know I'm good because I was the ninth highest rated erotica writer on a site of over forty thousand....and people hate people that write things on the internet.  I know I'm good because NO ONE wants to read the shit that an amateur writer puts out...and people keep asking to read my work.

I know I'm good because agents and publishers don't know I'm good.  Because they don't know good writing from bathroom stall poetry.  Who are the 24 morons that rejected J.K. Rowling and Stephenie Meyer, who have combined to sell over 500,000,000 books?  That's a book for every 12 people in the world.  Who are the idiots that told Stephen King no way, who are the incompetents that spurned writers like Maddox and Tucker Max until they became internet sensations and then were groveling at the door to sign them?

I know I'm good because people tell me, "I hate the genre that you're writing, but I'd still buy your book because I want to find out what happens.  People love me and they hate me.  They think I'm a genius and they think I'm a jackass.  They think I'm always right, and I'm always wrong.  They're touched and horrified, elated and disgusted, on cloud nine and buried in hell.  But they never ignore me because I am so damned good at eliciting an emotional respose that they can't help themselves.

I'm that fucking good, and I won't stop until everyone knows it.

1 comment:

  1. A lot of authors have gone the self-publishing route because there's simply more money that goes to the author.
    I read a lot at Techdirt and they often discuss business models for authors.
    http://www.techdirt.com/blog/casestudies/articles/20110321/00183913568/best-selling-author-turns-down-half-million-dollar-publishing-contract-to-self-publish.shtml

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