Monday, June 6, 2011

A Trip To Best Buy

I walk in and immediately see six, count 'em six employees milling around by the door in the greeting area.  All of them simultaneously try to ask me variations of how I'm doing, if I need help to find anything and if I'll sell my soul for a phone upgrade.  It is awkward.

Not ten steps past the cluster of blue shirted yokels, yet another employee traveling from the DVD section to the third circle of hell where he resides asks me if I need help finding anything.  No god damnit, I do not.  What I'm really looking for is Car GPS units.  Predictably they are under the giant sign that reads "Car GPS Units (and accessories)."  When I arrive in that section I find that half their units are out of stock.  That is a literal half, not an exagerrated one.  There is also another blue shirted monster taking inventory.  No, I do not need help finding anything, but you may because judging by the look on your face you're halfway between puzzled and retarded.

Well, GPS browsing was a bust, but I figure that I might as well look at movies or something.  Off to the other end of the store.  Sequestered behind a small desk at the end of one of the rows of DVDs is another employee.  She jumps out like a goddamn bridge troll and offers to help me.  I stab her to death with shards from a busted copy of Blade II.  The irony is not lost on me, but it may be on her.  Because she is dead.

I quickly fled the scene to look at movies.  While I'm in the movie aisle, I pull out my phone and begin texting people.  DO NOT PULL OUT ANY SORT OF TECHNOLOGY IN THIS STORE!  THEY CAN SENSE IT!  "No I do not need any goddam... hey wait you're kind of hot.  If I take your stupid phone upgrade survey will you fuck me?  There's some empty space over in the GPS section..."

That was a no.  With nothing in hand I left the store, but not before the greeters, who had multiplied like vermin to about eighteen gang raped me for not buying anything.

Seriously fuck Best Buy.

1 comment:

  1. Have you ever read any of Henry Rollins' writing before? This has some great similarities to some of the parts of Black Coffee Blues.

    Also, at least you have people annoying you to see if you want help. I never get any unless I go looking for it.