I've tried to start this entry several different times and ended up deleting what I wrote each time. The trouble is that I feel let down on a grand scale about something, but I'm having trouble pinpointing what exactly that is. I want to talk about the perception of sex, about friends, about my family, about my environment, about the internet, about bullying because in some way these things are connected to how I'm feeling, but all I have are vague impressions and no concrete words with which to describe them. But then again my job is to put words to the indescribable, so here we go.
The recurring question is a simple one; why can't we be better? It seems unnecessarily vague, but I think it sums up American society perfectly. We should be better than this...but we're not. Somewhere there's some disconnect and you can blame hundred of social, political, and religious groups, and probably none of them in themselves are the right answer. The problems that we face are numerous and complex. So much so that the only solution I can offer is an indecipherable, "be better."
I think the things that set me off the most are acceptance and tolerance. They seem like laughably simple concepts, but their practice is anything but. As human beings, we're conditioned to think of our own hobbies as normal and anything outside of them as deviant. This leads to us seeing things in a negative light that really aren't negative at all aside from going against the arbitrary rules that our upbringings have created inside our own heads. And just because I'm writing this doesn't make immune. I often find myself thinking, "I'm right god damnit, why can't these other morons think like me?" It's a flawed way to think, and yet no one can separate themselves from it.
I've become jaded in some ways because most of the time I'm no longer surprised by the evil, the selfishness, and the abject stupidity of the human race. And then all of a sudden something will hit me and I just feel so let down. I watch conservative groups lobby against legislature designed to protect those that are different from discrimination, from bullying and abuse, and from violence. It's appalling that anyone in their right mind can rally against these things and even call themselves human, let alone put a cross behind it and assume a moral high ground. Like really, you don't think those of a different sexual orientation should be protected from bullying...and this is somehow the "right" side to be on? What the damn hell is wrong with us?
Too many people (not all) use God as some kind of rigged Magic Eight Ball to perpetuate their own biases and prejudices. It's kind of funny that the most accurate religious group is the one that everybody hates, the Westboro Baptist Church. God is said to not only all powerful and all knowing, but to also have a plan for humanity that results in salvation. In this we can infer that everything that happens is a piece of this ultimately benevolent plan. Remembering this, shouldn't we find a silver lining in every tragedy that happens, knowing it is a part of God's will? Or to put it in the words of Fred Phelps, "Thank God for (Horrible thing)."
I don't mean for this to be a commentary against religion either. There are plenty of religious people and organizations that do wonderful things. Like many of Enron's employees, they are only guilty of unknowingly being part of a corrupt system. I think that a belief in something more powerful than ourselves is natural. Certainly there are plenty of things more powerful than ourselves on this planet that we can actually see and touch.
I just feel like morality has become this terribly flawed concept. We've inundated ourselves within this concept of morality, this warped logic that says we can justify the things we do by painting us as the good guy. (This thought process has been used in every war ever for every side.) So much so that it's hard to tell which is perverting which between morality and religion. Our morality as human beings is so complex and I don't understand why it needs to be. The Golden Rule has made it pretty simple, treat others as you would like to be treated, or if you prefer the Wiccan Rede, if it harms none, do as thou wilt.
Maybe we've reached that point where we're too intelligent, where there is too much that defines us to be simple any more. Maybe there are too many people, causing the laws that are meant to protect them to become too numerous and complex. Maybe we've lost sight of some of the justifications for the way we live. Maybe some of them are obsolete as we move forwards and learn more about ourselves.
Maybe I just watch too much Utopian science fiction and have wholly unrealistic expectations.
Still, I can't help but look around and think, "we can be better than this...right?"