Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The L-Word

Lesbians!  Okay, not really.  There was a point somewhere between when my previous relationship ended and when my current one started when I realized that my definition of love was most certainly wrong.  Being a poet and a writer, and a romantic, I had grown rather attached to a very unrealistic definition of love.  I had been prone to developing crushes on girls without knowing a single thing about their personalities.  Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately since the end result has been pleasant), these thoughts were enabled by the formation of said previous relationship.

I had been crushing on Samantha for some time, and while I did know her as an acquaintance, I really didn't have a feel for her personality.  But she felt similarly, and my crush was realized.  Everything was great for a while because I had this really idealistic view of what a relationship was, and we fit into that because we were both simply too happy to be dating each other.  But as time went along and we learned more about one another, it became very evident that we weren't the least bit compatible.  (Opposites don't attract.) 

Then the two years of single-ness happened.  I won't lie, I again became attached to a few girls based largely on those flawed perceptions of love.  Luckily they didn't work out, and I think because of that, I grew picky, and sought to change how I approached relationships.

Which is tough when you're someone like me who typically isn't very sociable.  A "friends-first" approach doesn't work too well when you don't have a lot of friends.  And the alternative to that is entering a relationship with someone where there are virtually no feelings present, a scary premise.

Obviously I was physically attracted to Abbi's profile pictures, otherwise I never would have messaged her to begin with, but it was definitely far down on the list of things that drew me to her.  I went into the relationship with no concrete definition of love, which was pretty frightening, but I reasoned that it didn't make sense to be in love with someone without knowing them as I had.  It made far more sense for love to grow as the relationship progressed.

As I came to love Abbi, I also came to realize what I wanted in a person, and somewhere along the way those things intertwined.  I think a person's definition of love is defined by what they're looking for, so once I got to know Abbi, and became exposed to those qualities, my love for her began to take shape into something unique.  It's a complicated word to define, but there is a simplistic way of looking at things that fits beautifully.  To love a person, for me, is to want to spend more time around them than any other person.  To have that intimate blending of interests is more important than anything to me.  And Abbi has proven to be more than I could have hoped for in that regard.  As we hung out more and more, and I enjoyed it more and more, I came to realize, that's what love is.

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