Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The 7 Worst "Likable" Survivor Contestants

Keep in mind as of writing this I haven't finished Fiji, and I haven't see Fans vs. Favorites, but I think with twenty plus seasons under my belt that I have enough to make a list of the top five contestants who were generally seen as popular that I found to be incredibly annoying at best, and complete jerks at worst.

Stephenie LaGrossa - Survivor Palau, Survivor Guatemala, Survivor Heroes vs. Villains

Quick, name a survivor that cried ALL THE FUCKING TIME.  Odds are you probably said Jessica "Sugar" Kiper, but Stephenie comes in a close second.  I understand that things didn't go her way oh-so-often in her three seasons of Survivor, but for someone billed as a tough girl, she was a whiny bitch.  Just because you were the manliest person on your tribe in two of your three seasons doesn't excuse the weepiness Steph.  Also, what the hell is up with your eyebrows?

Elisabeth Filarski Hasselbeck - Survivor Australia

Sweetheart turned conservitard...without the sweet.  Pretty much her entire run on Survivor Australia, I wished she would stop talking.  It would take until Thailand and Shii Ann Huang before someone as annoying as Elisabeth came along.  Watching her get bitch slapped by the three other ogres on The View on a daily basis for her uneducated bigoted rants is endlessly amusing.

Tom Westman - Survivor Palau, Survivor Heroes vs. Villains

Ah the Heroes' Hero, perhaps the most complete contestant ever to win Survivor.  Also, kind of a dick.  Let's not forget about the way he treated gay contestant Coby Archa, at times with complete condescension.  And he's the only contestant ever to bully another contestant (Ian) into quitting the game in the final immunity challenge.  Russel Hantz didn't even do that to his enemies, let alone his so-called friends.  Tom was a great player, one of the best for sure, but there is no chance in hell he deserves to be called a hero.

Terry Deitz - Survivor Panama

Not the most annoying way to get farther in the game than you ever should (more on this later), but annoying nonetheless.  Terry might have been okay, and his run of immunities enjoyable if he weren't a complete assbag every step of the way.  It's no wonder no one wanted to break from the pack and align themselves with him.  Terry was an asshole.  For all the crap that Aras got (deservedly) for being a bit of a smug asshole, Terry was basically the same thing, just twenty years older.

Brett Clouser - Survivor Samoa

But at least Terry gave us something to watch once in a while.  Seeing Brett Clouster contend for a position in the finals when he'd gotten less screen time than Russel's left foot was even worse.  Seeing him do it in his awful t-shirts that belong on cleavage baring co-eds from ASU, not skinny white guys was downright abortive.  If he won (and there's no chance he wouldn't have with the bitter Galu jury), he would have gone down as the worst Survivor Winner ever.  (Yes, worse than Vecepia Towrey.)

Matt Elrod - Survivor Redemption Island

Sigh...Matt will forever be known as the God contestant.  Hearing the g-word come out of Matt's mouth at least six times every sentence has been worse than watching Naonka fart.  (Not by much.)  I understand that God is omnipotent and all that crap, but I think he's probably got better things to do than throw a personal stake in Matt winning Survivor.  And that's the thing, Matt could very easily win Survivor.  He might be one of the worst strategic players ever...and he could win the entire game.

This isn't Amanda Kimmel sad-facing her way to pathetic jury performance after pathetic jury performance.  This is orders of magnitude worse.  For all the talk about blindsides on Survivor, if you have even an ounce of awareness, you know when you're leaving.  That's why those voted off usually have their stuff with them.  Matt was blindsided twice!  By the same people!  He actually managed to convince himself it was a good idea to approach one of the most ruthless players and tell him "I thought about allying against you...but I didn't."  As Entertainment Weekly columnist Dalton Ross pointed out, that's like going up to your partner and saying "I thought about fucking your sister/brother/dad, but I didn't."  In no way is that ever okay.

Ozzy Lusth - Survivor Cook Islands

Ozzy was such a piece of shit and liking him is being an apologist for bullies everywhere.  This is the guy that wanted to throw a challenge for the sole purpose of getting Billy voted off for...????  I sympathize with Billy, I know he made a pretty good ass of himself on national TV with the Candace debacle, but I can't help but feel for a slightly dorky guy with the heart of an artist and a red and black skull t-shirt on Survivor.  Ozzy's campaign against Billy was like that of the high school jock torturing the math nerd for no other reason than he doesn't like how he looks.  In a season aimed towards diversity and acceptance, Ozzy was surprisingly close-minded and yet wound up being some kind of Hero.  Sickening.


  1. I totally agree. I haven't watched all survivor seasons, including China. But based on Micronesia and HvV, I would also place Amanda on this list.

  2. Nonesense. Billy was a lazy lard who dragged the tribe down.