Monday, April 4, 2011

Cars: What Your Make/Model Says About You

The following are facts based on personal observation.
Note: JOKE.

Subaru - In spite of the fact that you are in possession of a vehicle with four wheel drive and a decent amount of gross weight, one snowflake or raindrop will send you 20 mph below the speed limit.  Left lane, right don't care!

Hummer - You are a douchebag and the size of your vehicle is inversely proportional to the size of your reproductive organs.

Chevrolet Cavalier - You are a hot girl but you are either slutty, trashy or both.  You are guaranteed to be using a cell phone while driving.

Cadillac - You remember prohibition.

BMW - You're vain and fairly well off.  You think that driving a beamer makes you better than everyone else.

Pontiac Sunfire/Grand Prix - You're vain and not so well off.  You think driving a Sunfire/Grand Prix makes you look cooler than everyone else.  You probably have obscenely tinted windows.

Prius - You are pretensious and look like it.  No one wears berets anymore dude.

Any Large Truck - You are either over compensating and can't afford a Hummer, or you're a lesbian.  Possibly both.

Any Small Truck - You have a small penis and are comfortable telling the world.

SUV - Let it go already, you stopped being cool once you had kids.  Just get a minivan.

Minivan -You are ten seconds away from snapping and mowing down an entire outlet mall because your damn kid spilled his juice again.

Volkswagen Jetta - You are a hot chick and think you're too good for everyone else.

Volvo - Well la dee da, too good for a BMW are we?

Smart Car - You make the Prius dude look like Larry the Cable Guy.  You are the king of the hipsters.

Any Toyota/Honda - You have no personality.

Any Ford - You are a masochist and love punishment.

Dodge Calibur/Pontiac Aztek/Buick Rendezvous/Any Buick really - You are either blind or have no taste.

Any older Ford/Chevy/Dodge - You are in college and paying for it.


  1. I am, in fact, NOT paying for my car. Yet anyways.

  2. I pretty much agree with everything on here. You should add self righteous to the Subaru driver. Those guys are always going under the speed limit, usually in the left lane.