Saturday, March 5, 2011

Things That Have A Greater Chance of Happening Than Rob Niedermayer Scoring

Brad Boyes puns stop.
Sabres fans circulate a petition to resign Tim Connolly.
Paul Gaustad beats out an icing.
Derek Roy rips off his own leg and uses it like a ski pole to propel himself around the ice.

Tyler Ennis decides dekeing is for pussies.
Nathan Gerbe decreases number by ten, becomes enforcer.
Jochen Hecht tries to take over Poland.  (Too soon?)
Thomas Vanek actually beats the piss out of Laraque.

Mike Grier scores on a brea...Mike Grier scores on TWO breakaways.
Patrick Kaleta smiles without looking like a douchebag.
Cody McCormick pots more goals than Tim Connolly (wait a minute...).
Jason Pominville trades his big honkin' necklace in for some big honkin' brass knuckles on the outside of his gloves.
Drew Stafford pots an Ovechtrick.

Chris Butler drops the gloves.
Jordan Leopold actually turns into a Leopard.
Steve Montador doesn't fall over his own feet in a game.
Shaone Morrisonn wins a spelling bee.
Tyler Myers has his first NHL fight on March 26th...against Henrik Tallinder.
Andrej Sekera tallies 8 points in 4 games.  (Uh...)
Mike Weber adds another B to his last name...for badass.

Patrick Lalime touches the ice for reasons other than: chest bumping Leopold, high fiving Kaleta, hugging Miller.
Ryan Miller gets pulled in favor of Jhonas "Crazy H" Enroth to face Staal in the third and final round of the shootout in game seven of the Stanley Cup finals as Lindy Ruff leans over and whispers, "he's fancy, he'll go glove."

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