Sunday, January 2, 2011

Sabres - Bruins 1-1-11 Recap

I don't often do this, but last night's game was so awesome, I couldn't resist.  This will probably be a bunch of quick hits, Two Minutes for Roughing style, so here we go.

Before we went to the game, I got wings and French onion soup at Gabriel's Gate in Buffalo.  Eating their wings is on par with what I imagine skull-fucking Angel Cummings to be like.  (WARNING: BDSM PORN)

We had tickets in row 14 of section 312, right where the Pominville Population sign would have been had the dudes next to us brought it.  They were my Christmas presents to my sisters and dad, and myself of course.

Thirty minutes before the game, the token opposing fans that HAVE to sit near me walked up, a father and his son, who looked to be about nine years old, and sat two seats away from me.  This presents a problem, while I am 100% in favor of being an asshole around opposing adult fans, I am only about 60% in favor of being an asshole around kids.  Because of this, I decided to switch seats with my dad putting myself about three feet and 250 pounds of parent further away.

The pregame ceremony was pretty awesome, and I got the entire thing minus maybe ten seconds or so on film.  Jim Kelley's family got at least three standing ovations, and my namesake, Alexander Mogilny got a couple himself.  I thought Gerry Meehan's recounting of Mogilny's first question when he arrived in America, "am I free?" was really touching.

I love the flag pass so much.  I love Tooth rappelling in from the rafters just as much.

Doug Allen was immaculate, as usual.  As my sister put it, "it's like he's pointing into my soul."

Then the game started and hockey happened.  Me and my sisters were probably the most annoying people in the building.  First of all, one of the random things we do is just repeat random words we see/hear and yell them with 'WOO!' afterward.  AFTERWARD!!!  WOOO!!!

To make matters even more entertaining, we decided that booing Chara was not enough.  "Alright, we're booing Chara (33), Boychuk (55), Lucic (17), and Savard (91).  What's that?  Dan Paille's on the team?  Fuck him.  No one cares.  Also, any Bruins fans with Savard jerseys on must immediately be asked either where their protective helmet is, or if they're legally retarded now."  (In the third period, this turned into booing every Boston player that touched the puck.  Yeah...)

The first period was absolutely insane.  Boston scored first on a point shot that Miller probably never saw.  Then Jason Pominville tied it up with a Vanek-like move in front of the net and we immediately started in on the Tuukka chanting.  Because fuck Tuukka Rask.  After the goal, Savard got his panties in a wad and his retarded swelled brain all riled up about something and knocked Pominville over.  Not the best idea when A). Mike Weber is standing right there and has proven that he doesn't give a shit who he fucks with, and B). you're one good punch away from going full retard.  Then Boston scored on a weird angle shot that probably went in off Rob Niedermayer.  Proof that he exists in at least the tangible sense.  Boston would go up 3-1 on a pretty good deflection in the slot, and I started to regret bringing my sister Sara.  Sara was 0-3-2 in Sabres games at that point and it wasn't looking good at the trap-happy Bruins who like to get a lead and then refuse to play anything that resembles hockey.  Adam McQuaid decided that he wanted to headbutt Cody McCormick's fists several times and then rest for five minutes.  And so he did.  Then Thomas Vanek made Andrew Ferrence look like Dmitri Kalinin completely owning him on a two on one with Tim Connolly to make the score 3-2 Boston.  After that Boston struck back by getting the Sabres defense to shit the bed, and convincing Ryan Miller that the blue ice was lava and scored a short handed goal.  And then, Drew Stafford happened.  He took a poor angle shot on Rask that rattled around the post and managed to skate in and poke in the rebound with less than a minute to go in the first.  Rask immediately went to bitch to the ref about his vagina being a-flutter or something, but the goal stood and the period ended at 4-3 in favor of Boston.

During the intermission, Bruins fatbag Claude Julien decided to pull Rask.  It could have something to do with the fact that Rask allowed 3 goals in 16 shots, but I think it was based on Rask's reaction to the Stafford goal late in the period.  Rask has been a Robert Esche-ian model of sanity in his career...

Whew, lots of first period there.  During the intermission I took a piss and contemplated for the millionth time, hurling my phone at the Butterwood (lol butterwood) Blimp just to see the amusing bounce.  Not worth it...barely.

Stafford had only just begun.  Six minutes and seventeen seconds into the second he found himself on a two on one.  He looked to his left and I could see the decision making process take place.  "Pass to Mike Grier...nahhhh..."  And the rest is history.  Note to Nathan Gerbe, THAT is when it is okay to dangle in like a fucktard and lose the puck.  25, 28, 20, 52, 6, 34, yes, deke like the tiny little moron you are.  26, 19, 29, 55, 21, 63 pass the puck to the real hockey players please.  Thanks.  I hope Tyler Myers spits his flu into your mouth.  Then Dennis Seidenberg's leg scored a goal for the Buffalo Sabres with an assist to Jason Pominville and the Sabres headed to the dressing room up 5-4.

I'm not entirely positive what happened in the intermission, but I'm pretty sure Claude Julien pulled out his man-tits and threatened to coach the rest of the season in nothing but a thong if the Bruins didn't start playing better.  Motivated by that horrifying possibility, the Bruins came out and spent pretty much the entire first ten minutes of the third in the Sabres end.  Seguin scored a goal that a superstar goalie should save most of the time, and the Sabres punished him by giving him a two on one to deal with.  At this point my sister Stephanie turn to me and asked why we brought the 0-3-2 Sara.  "Hey, there's still 47.3 seconds left," I replied.  I had always wanted to be at one of those games where the Sabres tie the game with less than a minute to go, but I recognize the flaw in that.  It involves sitting around for much of the third hating your life while the Sabres are losing.  Anyways, Pominville put a point shot on net with about thirty seconds to go that landed on Stafford's stick and he put a bloop single over the glove of Tim Thomas to tie the game as Thomas Vanek got half plastered, half dove into the net.  Poor Vanek.  (Watch Paul Gaustad tackle approximately six people on the bench in the highlights.)

There was an overtime, but there isn't much to talk about aside from the puck ping ponging around about nine Bruins on the bench while the officials refused to call a too many men on the ice penalty.  (Note to officials: let's stop with this "letting them play" bullshit and just get things right.)

Then we went to the shootout and the shooters were Stafford, Vanek, and Ennis (I predicted Pominville instead of Ennis) for Buffalo and three assholes for Boston.  Stafford came in and I called the backhand-top shelf move.  Fortunately Rask was spread like a Thai hooker and Stafford wired the puck five hole.  Then Boston scored.  Thomas Vanek came in and let loose what I like to call the "fuck you slapshot."  Who takes a slapshot in the shootout?  Thomas Fucking Vanek does, that's who.  Vanek is now first in shootout goals (4) and first in shootout percentage (100%) in the league this season.  Then Tylyer Seguin put the afore mentioned backhand move past Miller.  I think that Tyler Ennis could have scored normally, but he decided to make Tim Thomas look really fucking stupid in the process.  I support this.  I'm not entirely sure what happened, but I think that Ennis warped the laws of physics that involved Thomas facing the end boards as he flailed his hand and foot in the air like a greased Drew Carey.  And then Chara set out to prove that he really is less evolved than the rest of us.  Okay, first of all, you're nine feet tall.  Why are you deking?  Any puck movement with your redwood of a stick involves it traveling approximately thirty miles.  Secondly, if you are going to deke, and you are a big guy, why not try either the bread and butter backhand move, or the Forsberg where you just leave it on the end of your stick and scoot it in with one hand?  Instead of trying some stupid ass forehand move that had no hope of working and never works on an NHL calibur goalie unless you're Danny Briere or Maxim Afinogenov.

Some prick, Jason Pominville, and Drew Stafford were the three stars.

Several milestones were reached in this game:

  • It was the first Sabres victory Sara has seen in person in her sixth try.
  • It was the third Sabres victory I have seen from the 300s, and the first that did not involve the Tampa Bay Lightning.
  • Every Sabres victory I've seen from the 300s has had them score 7 goals.  (7-4 against the Lightning on 3-19-18, 7-2 against the Lightning on 3-27-10, and 7-6 against Boston on 1-1-11)
  • I continue to have seen more goals and more points from Thomas Vanek (25 gp, 19g, 10a, 29 pts).

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