Monday, January 31, 2011

Female Hockey Fans: "The Name on the Front..."

I made a few additions to make it a bit more clear that this entry was not really aiming for a high level of seriousness.  I'm aware that not all that read this know me well enough to tell the difference between me hitting on a serious subject or merely jabbing roughly at a hornets nest with a stick to watch 'em buzz around.

Probably going to piss a few people off with this one.  I'd preemptively apologize, but I'm not really sorry.  It would be like apologizing to a kid who added two and two and got five for telling him his answer is wrong.  You can skip to the bottom for my begrudging doling out of respect.

Okay, I can be a little fair.  I realize that women have a different relationship with sports than guys do.  There is more of an emotional connection to the individual, and I get that.  For the most part, guys don't like a player because he is cute, because he seems like a nice guy, and only occasionally because he makes us laugh or smile.  And they don't like a team just because they have a player with those attributes.  It's something I have thought about, and come to the conclusion that while I can acknowledge the existence of that dynamic, so different from my own fandom, I cannot understand it.  *EDIT*  And in saying so, I am not at all demeaning that type of or aspect to fandom, merely pointing out that it is different and something that does not apply to me personally and thus is tough to grasp.

Seriously though, what the hell?  Some of you Ladies, how about you need to stop suspending all logic when it comes to your favorite players and to your sports fandom as a whole?  I feel like you all lacked the proper influence of an older more mature sports fan.  I am here to educate those of you that need to see the light.

Sports fans have a favorite team.  Note that the last word is singular.  If you want to have a second team to follow in the opposite conference, fine.  But there better be one that rises above all others by about a 90-10 margin.  It is so fucking annoying to see a girl talking up another team in addition to the one they primarily root for, especially when that team is in the same conference, and doubly so when it's in the same division and they're vying for playoff spots.  The Senators, Leafs, Canadiens, and Bruins are OFF FUCKING LIMITS.

We get it, some players are "hot."  Grab a laptop and a vibrator and take care of your urges.  Try not to let it color your assessment of that player's skills.  Craig Rivet is still old.  Paul Gaustad and Jason Pominville are still overpaid.  Patrick Lalime is still useless.  Derek Roy is still 100% not interested in anything with a vagina.

Sometimes guys get old and lose effectiveness and sometimes they go elsewhere.  If you want to keep tabs on them, fine, otherwise, shut up.  I hate it when female fans follow a player across the NHL like a lapdog with tits.  Look, I like Marty Biron, and Danny Briere too, I really don't give a shit how they perform on any given night (unless they're beating teams above us in the standings, and even then, I don't really care about the players so much as the teams).  Again, do not let it color your assessment of a player's value.  Letting Tallinder walk was a great move and Jordan Leopold is awesome.  Lindy Ruff may need to be fired.  Which brings me to...

The name on the front of the jersey is more important than the name on the back.  The name on the front of the jersey is more important than the name on the back.  THE NAME ON THE FRONT OF THE JERSEY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE NAME ON THE BACK.  Two years ago my favorite player was Jaroslav Spacek, but I was happy as a clam when he left because resigning him to that money was completely not in the best interests of the team.  If Thomas Vanek leaves and the return value is good, I will wish him all the best and be more than happy to move forward.  One of the big problems with the Sabres is that it is (at times) run like a mom and pop organization.  Sometimes that aging uncle who can't tell the dog from the toilet paper is kept around because...awww, we like him, and we want to win with him.  Tough decisions need to be made, and sometimes that involves saying goodbye to a guy you really like.

Probably the most egregious violation of this was when fellow blogger (I think?) and twitterite *blank-ers blank-ie* vowed to stop buying season tickets if Lindy Ruff was fired.  That is, in a nutshell, a microcosm of what I see from far too many female fans, stunning irrational attachment to a certain part of the organization that blots out any semblance of respect for the organization as a whole (and its fans).  Seriously, if I wouldn't rather have the flesh flayed off my nutsack than sit with the malcontent bunch of degenerate assholes in section 304, I would love to buy that particular set of season tickets.  (Because hearing a bunch of forty year olds constantly heckle our own guys with their fistfuls of Blue Light is not my idea of a good time.  Why do you even buy tickets 304-ites?  Go bandwagon for the Capitals or something.  It's fans like you that make people not want to come back to the arena.)

Alright, my rant is over.  I appreciate my female friends who are into sports enough to know their shit beyond Mike Fisher being cute or whatever.  I think those female Sabres fans closest to me (I can name at least seven) are really intelligent as fans and I respect the hell out of them for it.  *Edit* I hope that their level of knowledge can become contagious and can begin to overpower the idiot female sports fan that is all too prevalent.

Coming next week... Dumb Guys: Angelina Jolie Makes Shitty Movies, Stop Going to See Them,  (Seriously, I could replace hockey with movies, Gaustad with Angelina, and various teams with Wanted, Salt, and Tomb Raider and write the exact same entry.) #menarenotinnocenteither.


  1. Yeah, this entry isn't completely serious either, fyi...

  2. I can't promise I wouldn't want to TP Darcy's/whoever it is house if Vanek was ever traded, but you know how it is...

    In the beginning of my hockey fandom, I'll admit I was about 50-50 in it for the looks and the skills. But now it's a lot more skills than looks, which if you look at my Twitter you wouldn't think that was the case on most nights, haha. I can talk about statistics and the game when I need to, either with men or women.

    Also, these people saying they would stop buying season tickets if Lindy was fired...the team being awful didn't make you want to stop? Shut up.

  3. I hope i qualify as one of those smart female fans Mr Alex ;) hahaha

  4. Pretty sure I know who you are anon, and I believe that you do. :)