Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Tom Brady and Sidney Crosby: Worst Athletes Ever

Look, I get that Crosby and Brady are great players, championships, blah, blah, blah whatever.  Yeah, they're good.  No one cares.  The purpose of sports isn't for us to watch the best players go at it.  If it were, hockey or rugby would be the most popular sports in the world because in terms of toughness, size, speed, and skill, they have the best athletes.  No, the purpose of sports is to entertain us, and in this endeavor, Crosby and Brady fail miserably.

I was watching the highlight of Dan Connolly, a lineman for the New England Patriots return a kickoff 71 yards.  When the play was over, the camera panned to Brady.  What do you see?  Nothing, no smile, no laughing, not even a Philip Rivers style douchesmirk.  How can you even watch a guy like that?  Look at Brady winning the Super Bowl:

He looks like he's about to watch a prostate exam take place.  Now contrast that with Brett Favre and Drew Brees...

Woo hoo!  Five more years and Sterger is legal!

Pictured: Apropriate Enthusiasm

Watching Brady and Crosby in interviews is about on par with watching Ben Stein do play by play for flower showing.  It is the most soul crushing, god awful, boring thing you could possibly put on a television.  For the love of god, have some fucking fun.  If we wanted professionalism, we'd watch the security footage from our office buildings.  Now I'm not saying that they need to make it rain, or bust a cap in their thigh, or do something abysmally stupid, but they can at least try and convince the rest of us that they're human beings.  Is there any question why 24/7 decided that showing Boudreau say fuck approximately 6,488 times and the antics of Crosby's teammates was way more entertaining than showing Crosby himself?

Brady, Crosby, take a page from the Tiger woods book and put your dicks in 14 hookers.  Do it to the same hookers at the same time, I don't care.  Show Jenn Sterger your penis, that seems to work pretty well.  Just do something that doesn't make everyone cringe every time a reporter shoves a mic in your face.

1 comment:

  1. I read a book on Sidney Crosby when I used to be a huge fan of his and it was about his career before the NHL and then his first year there. He seemed to be a fun guy UNTIL he reached the league. It's sad, but the media has seemed to change who he is. I mean there are certain guys who again and again say nothing will change them (ie; Thomas Vanek :)) but I do agree that his interviews are EXTREMELY boring.