Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Sexcapades: Copping a Feel in Strange Places (NSFW)

I make no secret about the fact that, when dating someone, I am a handsy motherfucker (note: last word not to be taken literally).  If you are my girlfriend, I will grope you early, often, and in inappropriate situations.  These situations may include, but are not limited to while you sleep, at my house, at your house, in the middle of the afternoon for no apparent reason, while you're in my bed, while you're looking at my bed, while I'm making the bed, while you poop, while you drive, and while I am thinking about any of the above.  My life has basically been, and will continue to be, a quest to be touching tits as often as possible.  We'll go in chronological order.

The Orgasm Cut Short

As I've mentioned in previous entries, my room in the basement did not have a door for the longest time, owing mostly to the fact that if I did have a door, my mom was afraid I was going to lock people in my room and anally rape them.  So she threatened to bar anyone but myself from every going in my room if I was anything but door-less.  So whenever anyone came into the basement, they were immediately technically in the same room as me and my girlfriend.

Back then my sleeping area was compacted even more than it currently is, and the couch (then a futon) was around the other side of my bookcases, right where the opening in my makeshift wall was.  My TV was also in that area, which led to it being a frequent spot in which we watched movies that we never remembered.  You can see where this is going.

Now my basement is basically a large 'L' shape with my room being in the lower right hand branch of that letter and the stairs being in the upper portion.  So upon entering the basement, you walk about forty feet, turn left, go another ten and there's my room.  On one particular evening, my ex and I were not watching a DVD we'd put in.  I was about two fingers and two knuckles deep in her, sending out the last boarding call for the train to o-town.  Her hand was most likely wrist deep in my shorts spazzing about like a wolverine on amphetamines, and giving a handjob just as successfully as such a creature.

After several minutes of work, I finally reached the point that sent her over the edge and she began her process of trying to quietly vent her elation while looking like she was crapping a cactus.  As luck would have it, that was the time when we had a visitor to the basement.  At the precise second my ex started to orgasm, my sister rounded the corner.  I wrenched my hand back out of her pants as she tried to pretend her nether regions weren't jumping with delight.  Thankfully, her purpose in coming to the basement wasn't to approach us (I forget just what it was) so any awkwardness was minimized, and my sister didn't even know what happened...until I told her.

I Will Not Be Denied Tits
Being in a long distance relationship with the same ex, time together was few and far between.  As I was a poor college student with an aversion to driving 300 miles round trip every weekend, any time I could ease myself of that obligation, I did.  One of those instances was my twentieth birthday, which my entire family came up to school to celebrate with me along with said girlfriend.

Now I'm a very physical person, so not being able to so much as kiss without some sort of authority figure hawking around was disappointing enough.  Not being able to touch her tits was downright suicide inspiring.  Fuck it, I was going to find a way.

Luckily the Buffalo Bills would provide one of their few good moments of the season, in more ways than one.  One of the birthday presents from her was an excellent (and still beloved) Bills blanket.  This wasn't some cheap ass five foot long throw, this was the real deal.  Handmade, at least six and a half feet tall and more than enough to cover my tall skinny ass head to toe.  Coincidentally, it can also cover one hand and two breasts.

Rather than fumble through a description of the scene, I will draw you a picture:

So my parents were about ten feet away, both facing the TV, and my sisters were about two feet away, facing the computer, while me and my girlfriend lay together on my bed half-heartedly watching the game.  As we're laying there, I realize what sort of magical powers the blanket can have.  Hell, I realized it could basically be a Harry Potter style invisibility cloak and I could grope to my heart's desire underneath.

So I threw it over her up to her neck and snaked my hand up her shirt and beneath her bra.  Jackpot.  I don't really remember a whole lot, but knowing me, I'm pretty sure I just left my hand there for the majority of the game, giving a squeeze every once in a while because...hell...they're boobs, that's what they're for.  Luckily the Bills were making a game of things with the Manning led Colts, so my parents remained focused on the TV and were none the wiser.  Until I told them later.  (This will kind of be a pattern.)

Tits and Buffalo
I remember the day well because it was the first time my then girlfriend had given me a handjob that didn't A). suck, and B). require my help to get her 99% of the way there.  It was also the morning we were to attend the Bills - Dolphins game.  Coincidentally, my first ever handjob came on the morning of the first Bills - Dolphins game that season.

Anyways, my father, her, and myself were to drive to Buffalo.  She was on her period at the time which meant two things.  First, I was under no obligation to go cooter spelunking as her vagina had a week long restraining order against my hands.  Secondly, it was one of the rare times she liked having her tits touched.  A lot.

So basically the second we climbed into the back seat of the van, the Bills blanket of invisibility went over the two of us and I started fondling her like the champion that I am.  When she was on her period, having her tits squeezed made her incredibly horny, and I'm talking squeezed like they're stress balls and you've scheduled a colonoscopy for that afternoon with the man-hands chick from Seinfeld.  A pop my tits kind of vigor.

So basically I had carte blanche to do whatever the hell I wanted with her boobs which suited me just fine.  And then my dad hit a goddamn deer (I bet you didn't see that coming) somewhere around East Aurora.  (Backroads fail.)  Luckily her soft mammaries cushioned the impact for my fragile hands (and we were only going 35 mph anyways).  The funny thing is, while my decidedly feminine girlfriend was concerned about the well being of the dumb animal, this didn't ruin the titty play for either of us.  That is, until the cop showed up and I decided to act at least somewhat appropriate.  My dad was proud of me when I told him what had been ocurring while he drove.

I Will Not be Deined Part II
One year later, my family again came up with said girlfriend (sans father) to visit me at college.  My mom and one sister were downstairs, probably enamored with some horrible show on the Disney Channel while my other sister amused herself with my computer.  Where were the girlfriend and I?  On the top bunk together directly above said computer.  If I'm going to grab something within full view of four family members, you better believe I'm going to do it with a piece of furniture in the way of just one.

For whatever reason though, this time I largely ignored the tits and went to unbutton her jeans.  This was probably to encourage her to find similar activities to entertain her hands with inside my own pants.  So there I was, fingering my girlfriend who was literally leaning over the edge of the bed watching whatever the hell my sister was doing on the computer.

For whatever reason, when the time came, she chose NOT TO MOVE HER FACE.  Lip biting and stifled moans ensued as my girlfriend risked my sister inclining her head mere inches to come about a foot and a half away from her orgasm face.  Looking back now, I wish that confrontation had happened because it would have been EPIC.  Imagine sitting there minding your own business, when you turn to casually talk to your brother's girlfriend, only to see a look on her face that plainly says 'I should probably go change my underwear in about ten seconds.'  Aside from that, my biggest regret is that I didn't let her continue to play with my cock so that I blew all over the place, leaving her with the awkward decision of how to deal with my jizz all over her arm.  Wait, she probably would have wiped it on my blankets...I guess I was pretty smart back then after all.

1 comment:

  1. You're so adventurous in the fact you did those things with FAMILY MEMBERS around you. I couldn't even do that with my ex but that was mainly because her dad would have executed me right on the spot.

    I should have visited my ex whenever I had my period...