Monday, November 1, 2010

I Want to Date An Orphan

After being in not one, but two relationships in which I pretty much got squeezed out by every other conceivable activity in those girls' lives (but she needed to be in eight softball leagues (no, that's not hyperbole)), I realized that dating an orphan is pretty much the sweetest gig imaginable.

Seriously, the girl has no family, so there is no annoying designated "family time," and no annoying siblings that don't understand that you just want to make out in peace, and no psychopath mother, and no overprotective father with either hunting rifles or deer disemboweling tools in the garage.  There are no birthdays on really inopportune weekends, or any of that crap at all!

And the best part is, since she's been going without those things all her life, then she'll be super psyched to spend them with you and your family!  I always thought that would be pretty sweet.   She'd be soooo happy to spend time at my house, and become all endeared to, and love my family (because seriously, someone should (just kidding mom!)).  And they'd like unofficially adopt her and it would be like dating my sister, except not really creepy and gross.  Then when we wanted to bang we could just go back to her notably family-less apartment to be alone.

Yeah, I'm a really horrible person, I know.  But try not to think of it as "I wish I'd meet a girl whose parents are dead," and instead think of it as "I wish I could shower a person's life with a type of love they've been missing."  Is that working at all?  No?  Crap.

1 comment:

  1. Mine isn't nearly that bad but hey, it annoys me enough to google "date an orphan" today. LOL.