Sunday, November 14, 2010

Bondage: Being a Switch and What it Means

I consider myself to be a switch, and actually about 80-20.  A lot of people find themselves uncomfortable with both sides of the fence, and a lot in the BDSM community look down on switches so I thought it might do well to offer an explanation of this interesting dynamic.

As I grew up, I was always into rope, even before I knew it had sexual connotations.  I used to think about tying people up or being tied up as a kid and I used to engage in power exchange type of games, such as cops and robbers, that would result in someone being bound.  As I grew older, my infatuation shifted to being able to restrain a woman so that my hands could roam unhindered.

I began googling for photos of women being restrained long before I realized what the word bondage even meant, probably around the age of 15 or 16.  I remember spending hours at the computer sifting through site after site and image after image of restrained women.  It opened up doors into other aspects of BDSM, such as D/s and power exchange, pain, sexual torture, and forced orgasms.

It never even occurred to me at first that the male could be the submissive participant in such a scene.  However with no one upon which to practice my newfound hobby, I was left with using rope on myself.  This brought out a certain enjoyment for the submissive side of a BDSM relationship and I began to add femdom (female domination) to my list of interests.  It wasn't so much the powerless aspect, or a love of being controlled that drew me in, it was more the inherent part of my personality that enjoys pleasing others.  That is the real draw to submission for me.  I like making people happy and I like being entertaining, and in that, I like submitting.

Having been in several relationships by now, I most often find myself as the dominant person in intimate situations, which suits my personality just fine.  I'm not entirely sure what it is that draws me mostly to dominance.  I'm not much of a control freak, so it isn't borne out of the desire to see things done my way.  I'm not terribly selfish, so I don't wish to obtain gratification at the expense of someone else's.  I do enjoy inflicting pain, but only as much as the submissive enjoys receiving it, otherwise it's simply abuse.  Going back to my initial interest with bondage, that is restraining a woman for groping purposes, I think I find the answer.

In being able to touch someone who is restrained, there is an intoxicating level of trust between both parties.  The submissive is trusting the dominant to treat them well while they're helpless, the dominant is trusting the submissive to be honest in their reactions, and the dominant is also trusting themselves to know the submissive well enough to know how far they can push.  Also, the level of pleasure associated with touch is distributed both ways.  I can obtain just as much enjoyment out of touching a woman as she can from having me touch her.  The fact that she enjoys it enough to allow whatever access I desire is what really turns me on.

As a quiet and less than conversational person, I greatly value the ability to communicate without needing a lot of words.  That sort of communication, being able to discern meaning from mere facial expressions is at the forefront in a BDSM scene or a BDSM relationship (especially if you're using a gag...tee hee).  The fact that bondage takes that level of interaction, brings it to the front, and magnifies it, is truly what I enjoy about dominating a submissive woman.

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