Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Hockey Axis of Evil

Look, as a curmudgeony Sabres fan, I accept that I'm pretty much going to hate every single team in the league at one point or another.  It's just how things are.  But there are a few teams that will always reserve a special hatred for a few teams in the NHL.  No matter what the circumstances, no matter how irrelevant they become, the mentality will always be, Fuck Those Guys.

The Ottawa Thenatorth

 Hey you guyth...

Look, if the reason for my hating the Ottawa Senators isn't abundantly clear, then quite frankly your intelligence is so low, I'm shocked you can even read this blog.  Don't worry, I'll just use words like tertiary and cogent so you'll go away.

I don't know if the Senators have always been a bunch of dirty fucks with the worst fans in Canada, but they have in my lifetime.  Whether it's Alfredsson shooting a puck at Niedermayer, or boarding Tallinder, or Ruutu biting Peters, or Neil hitting Drury, or Heatley running his mouth nonstop.  They're pretty much a team full of assholes.  When you can't even sell out your own building in a fucking Canadian market, do you know what that makes you?  Avalanches and Coyotes.  Ouch.

The New York Rangers

Hey you guyth...

There is a lot going on in my hatred of the New York Rangers.  First of all, I think Scott Gomez is a little prick and that he ruined the 08-09 season for Sabres fans.  But that's small potatoes.  It could be that every time I see the Rangers play at HSBC arena, one of their dumb guido fans does something stupid and gets kicked out.

Overall, it's probably the sense of entitlement that a lot of New York City sports fans (and residents) have ust because they're from New York city.  Like people should automatically give a shit.  Whats worse is it usually leads to a lot of their players getting press that they don't deserve.  Like Henrik Lundqvist.  Lundqvist has led the goaltending charge on my fantasy teams every year I've played fantasy hockey and I love him for it.  But the dude fucking sucks.  He parlayed one series in 06-07 where the five other guys on his team never left his fucking crease into a media perception of superstardom.

He choked against the Sabres in 06-07, he choked in the playoffs the following year.  He choked at the all-star game two seasons ago, and he couldn't outduel Brian fucking Boucher to get his team into the playoffs.  Hey, a Rangers rant without mentioning Sean Avery!

The Carolina Hurricanes

Invisible Penalty!

Look, it's not just because they won a Stanley cup because Jay McKee got a staph infection, Andrew Ladd parked his giant ass directly on top of Dwayne Roloson, and Ty Conklin is either colorblind, or functionally retarded.

It's not just because North Carolina is the poster state for stupid hicks, although that is a pretty good reason.  North Carolina isn't even the poster child for retarded southern hockey markets...or so you'd think!  Dun dun DUNNNNN!

No team in the NHL has sold a smaller percentage of seats than the Carolina Hurricanes.  Not Winnipeg, Not Phoenix, not even Hartford.  And this is a team that has a Stanley Cup.  (I think...that did really happen, right?)  The fans are fucking pathetic and have the audacity to piss and moan about opposing fans coming to their games en masse and drowning out their cheers.  Fill your own goddamn building assholes, then you can bitch.

And Cam Ward sucks.

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