Friday, October 22, 2010

Get Your Fucking Car Out of the Road

Time to talk about a pet peeve of mine.  People who park their car in the goddamned road near where I live.  Now, I feel I need to add some context.  Certainly, in some areas, parking in the road is a perfectly normal and acceptable practice.


They are called cities, and not only are their roads eight thousand feet wide, but they even have designated areas in which to place your fourteen year old Plymouth minivan.  This is not where I live.

I live out in the country, in the Town of Van Buren.  The population is about 7,000 and if you took the one development out, it would be about twelve.  Half the roads around my house don't even qualify as roads.  Especially in the winter.  You just point your car downhill and hope there's a tree at the bottom to stop you.

That's why it pisses me off when I'm driving home and I see this:


It's fucking retarded.  I don't even know where to begin.  Okay, first of all, like I said, these aren't real roads.  They're what you call 'crowned,' which means they're high in the middle.  Also, riding on the nonexistent shoulder of the road is a choice between crashing into the drainage ditch, or hitting a tree.  There is no fucking room.  There are spots out here where I start chugging holy water when I see a car coming in the opposite direction.  Not to mention, it's the fucking country, which means when you're driving you see one of two things.


There is no goddamn visibility.  If you can see anything more than a couple hundred feet in front of you, then you're a fucking Jedi, and a car is not the best vehicle for you.  It has to be the most retarded spot to park your vehicle in the street.  Because, do you know what people don't give a shit about in the country?


Goddamn traffic laws!  (Not that I'm one to talk).  Seriously, parking in the Street is like donating your baby to a meth lab.  I can't believe no one's had their shitty little Hyundai obliterated because Johnny High Schooler wanted to bury the needle on his used Cavalier, came around a turn and found roughly 806% of the road taken up by a parked car.

And the worst part is, it's so senseless, because pretty much everyone around here has property that looks like this:


I swear to god, next time I'm going to pull in behind your shit mobile and honk until you move it.

2 comments:

  1. I park on your 8828 acres of land even in winter when there's a foot of snow!

    ReplyDelete