Saturday, October 23, 2010

Describing My Cats' Personalities with Poorly Drawn Paint Pictures: Fatty

This is fatty:


If apathy took on a tangible form, it would be this cat.

We acquired Fatty like we acquired most of our cats, by deciding that the random felines that people dump by my house would make good pets.  This seems like a terrible way to gain an animal, espeically a species that isn't known for its sociability to begin with.

Fatty is the exception.  He is the friendliest cat you will ever meet.  He likes to rub his face on your face.  A lot.  At thirty miles per hour.

Most cats are pretty gentle about rubbing their head agaisnt you.  Not fatty.  Fatty shows his love like a horny Water Buffalo.  I cannot count the number of times I've been bending over to pet the dog, or another cat, or to pick something up and then....BONK!

That's the other thing about Fatty.  He is literally always happy.  And even if you're actively trying to piss him off, he's only one pet away from being happy again.  His tail is always pointing straight up like a creepy cat boner.  He's almost always purring.  You can move him into any spot and he really won't give a shit.

Just glad I'm not masturbating

He literally got up on the arm of the couch, smelled it and was like, well this looks like a great spot to shove my face

We typically keep my cats in the basement because they annoy the shit out of my mom if they're upstairs.  This can sometimes involve voodoo goalie moves when trying to get upstairs and six cats are stacked at the door like its the running of the bulls.  Fatty and I had this exchange one night.

You'd think that he would have been a little irked that I slid him across the floor like a four year old with a toy truck, but not fatty!  In .2 seconds he was up again and purring.  Like, "yes, I enjoyed my ride across the carpet."

He is kind of an attention whore, but not in a bad way.  We have a few cats that are attention whores in a bad way (more on them later).  Fatty is perfectly content to pick out a spot near you and just lay in it until the end of time.  He's basically just really lazy.  How lazy?

Fatty is also, like most endearing fat cats, kind of stupid.  But he's not an ordinary kind of stupid.  He balances this with being the most adventurous of all our cats, making a special kind of stupid.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for fatty!  He's one of my favorites of all the cats.  He's very friendly, always wants to be petted, and extremely low maintenance.  He just wants food all the time, and to sit on you for most of the day.

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