Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Western Conference Team by Team Analyses You Can Put On Twitter (If you abbreviate words that I refuse to)

Central Division

Detroit Red Wings - Red Wings players to be payed in heated euros this season...just like every other season.

St. Louis Blues - Like Buffalo North, Buffalo south will be watched by thousands of jealous fans from Montreal.

Columbus Blue Jackets - If you're wondering what that sound out of Columbus is, it's about 2,500 season tickets being flushed.

Nashville Predators - Roadtrip to Bridgestone Arena just to sit in the same crowd as Taylor Swift?  Yes please.

Chicago Blackhawks - Da da duh da da duh da da duh da da...


Northwest Division

Colorado Avalanche - If Roethlisberger sat down to watch an Avs game, he could get some great tips on how to be a lecher in Colorado from Craig Anderson

Minnesota Wild - When do wild fans start becoming leafs fans south?  A bajillion sellouts...uninspiring team.  Just sayin...

Calgary Flames - I like the Flames, but I hope they name Jokinen captain just to piss Ad...er...Ryan Lambert off.

Vancouver Canucks - Roberto Luongo strips himself of captaincy.  This comes about four months after the Chicago Blackhawks stripped him of his dignity...again.

Edmonton Oilers - What can I really say?  I like the Oilers, but jesus, watching them is like rooting for Verne Troyer in an MMA heavyweight match.


Pacific Division

Dallas Stars - Anyone want to see Kari Lehtonen and Rick DiPietro in a goalie fight?  The over/under on that would be .5, and that's the number of ACLs remaining.

Phoenix Coyotes - Go directly to Hamilton.  Do not pass Glendale.  Do not collect a lease agreement.

Los Angeles Kings - Jon be nimble, Jon be quick.  Jon don't die and watch Bernier take your job.  Hey remember that good year Pascal Leclaire had...?

Anaheim Ducks - The first rule of teams you don't give a shit about is that you do not talk about teams you don't give a shit about.

San Jose Sharks - Meanwhile...in net...

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