Saturday, August 21, 2010

Rascal Flatts: Making Songs that Sound Like They're About Blowjobs Since 2000

I love Rascal Flatts...but...

(Credit to FacebookFail for this one):
From the song "Stand:"

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand.


Okay, so maybe that's not so bad.  There's some room for interpretation there.  I mean sure, the entire song does kind of sound like a metaphor for a person whose life is so shitty they've been forced to resort to fellatious prostitution, but hey, it's all good.  Let's try another song.

"Where You Are"
You're a waterfall
Washin' over me
I'm a thirsty man
Let me drink you in

Okay...that's not terrible.  That could at least be about cunnilingus too, right?

"Feels Like Today

But I know something is coming
I don't know what it is
But I know it's amazing, you save me
My time is coming
And I'll find my way out of this longest drought...

 Alright, now we're talking about dryspells.  We finally got off the blowjob topic and expanded to sex in general.  Evidently some of the band members are having trouble in bed.

"What Hurts the Most"

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Now that's just not fair, that song is beautiful (really).  But still, that last couplet made me laugh.

"Me and My Gang"

Even New York City got one or two hillbillies
Ready to hit the road

It's a brother and a sister kind of thang
Raise up your hands if you all wanna hang

With me and my gang
We live to ride
We ride to live
Me and my gang

Jump on that train
Grab hold of them reins
We're gonna rock this thang, cock this thang
Me and my gang, yeah
Me and my gang

I don't want to know what kind of hillbilly brother and sister kind of thing this is.  Ew.  Then you get to the veritable smut Pinata that is "Bob that Head."  I mean come on, the song is called "Bob that Head."  Maybe the lyrics are less dirty.

Bob that head
Every Friday night
Got the windows rolled down
The seat reclined
Givin'everybody that rock on sign
Yeah, turn it up to ten
Hey, y'all join in
Bob that head
Come on, bob that head
Bob that head

Uh...nope.

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