Monday, August 16, 2010

An Intelligent Person, Hope for Humanity!

When I was doing one of the sex-ed articles I did a while back, I came upon this blog about pornography.  A few people were really out of touch about sex in society, so I commented and checked the little box to e-mail me about any comments after mine.

While most of them reached roughly the intelligence and maturity level of "zomgz! porn bad!" there was finally one today that was spot on and extremely insightful.  So much so, that i have serious doubts about the age and gender of the poster (because everyone on the internet is a dude).  "Her" text is in yellow.

Author: Katie
Comment:
Hi, so I'm fourteen and a girl. All of my guy friends and guys that I know (but don't consider friends) admit that they watch porn pretty openly. I'd say it's pretty normal for teenagers to watch porn. I watch porn from time to time, but mostly I just read erotic fanfiction (and write it too). Still, I'll read anything from softcore to hardcore, and I really don't see why people seem to think it's so horrible. (I figure the difference between videos/images and writing is that you can convey emotions other than being turned on or being in pain through words.)

Katie brings up a very good point.  While I think everyone can agree that an image of two people having sex constitutes pornography, many seem to forget that a trashy romance novel isn't much better.  When my mom found several porn sites in the history of my browser and made some offhanded comment, I couldn't help but laugh, knowing the type of literature that sits upon her shelves.

Watching/reading porn is not going to cause your son to have an abnormal relationship with someone. If he's into that sort of thing, that's totally fine. If he wants to do that sort of thing, there ARE actual people out there who are into it. If there weren't porn involving bondage and such probably wouldn't exist in the first place. So it's not going to mean he can't be with someone he loves.

I'm currently going out with a guy my age, and despite the fact that I read/watch porn, I'm totally fine with simply kissing him and not doing bondage or what have you (we're both still virgins). It's pretty innocent, and porn hasn't affected our relationship at all.

Her comments in this and the following paragraphs are largely directed at one poster in particular that seemed rather stunned by the fact that her son had viewed BDSM porn...or BDSM in general.

"Were the women in these videos paid actresses? Why did they have tear streaked faces? Bruises? Far away looks in their eyes."
To answer these questions.... There ARE people who get off on pain. They're called masochists. Some people enjoy the endorphin rush they get from pain. Bruises are a form of marking. Some people like knowing that their dom owns them and has claimed them. The far away looks in their eyes could mean that they're in subspace. Subspace is pretty hard to explain. The easiest way I can think of to explain it as when the person is rather disconnected from everything. It's supposedly blissful (but I wouldn't know).

This is where I begin to doubt the age of our young poster (how does a 14 year old come to know about "sub-space?), but everything she says is spot on.  It's a great response to the comments by the horrified mother in relation to BDSM porn.  I would have gone even further and pointed out that when most people orgasm, they usually have a look in their eyes that suggests they're a bit out of it...if their eyes are even open.

I think you're probably only making your son distance himself from you by freaking out about it. My parents found out about a year ago that I was reading pornographic fiction, and they freaked out, started putting up filters, took away my computer for a month, etc. That was when I was reading pretty soft stuff. I can't imagine what they would do now. Now I stay locked away in my room all day (and night) and barely talk to them unless I have to. All of the things they did did not make me stop reading/writing erotic fanfiction. All it did was make me stay away from them as much as possible. If you want to have a good relationship with your son, criticizing him for looking at hardcore porn and preaching to him about how horrible it is, is not exactly the best thing to do. I get that people have already told you this (I didn't read all the comments but some), but I wanted you to hear it from someone like me.

To be fair, she is young.  Most parents aren't comfortable with the fact that their kids are dealing with sex until their somewhere in their mid thirties (the kids) if they ever are.  This is largely thanks to a rather restrictive (coughreligiouscouch) American culture that seems to think the less its children know about something (sex) the better.

So thanks 14 year old Katie (or 48 year old Murray) for being more insightful and intelligent than other posters who are triple your age.

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