Monday, June 28, 2010

Words and Phrases that Should Die

Creeper:

How people define it:
A person who does weird things, like stares at you while you sleep, or looks at you for hours through a window. usually a close friend or relative. you know right away if that person is a creeper or does creeper things. it is not hard to spot the creeper.

This Picture has Been Manipulated so much it Actually Qualifies as a Cartoon


What it actually is:
An offensively unimaginative word devised by tacky, brain-dead college students (usually women) to describe people (usually men) they deem sinister, indecorous, uncouth, or otherwise unpleasant.


Example:
Today, the boy of my dreams finally noticed me.  He even asked for my number and texted me.  Turns out he is a complete creep, and spends his days playing Dragon Age.  So much for the boy of my dreams.  FML
---Lifesuck233 (woman)

My first introduction to this term, like many of my introductions to such vile pop-culture nonsense came from my ex girlfriend who possessed the remarkable combination of both having incredibly low self-esteem and thinking way to highly of her attractiveness and the response of the men around her to that attractiveness.

That's really what it's all about, low self esteem.  Women need to inflate their self worth, so they concoct this imaginary world where every guy that looks at them, begins a conversation with them, or generally wanders into the same square mile is "creeping on them."

Take the incredibly limited information we get from the FML entry above.  This woman (girl since she refers to him as the "boy of her dreams") expresses dismay that the object of her affection plays a relatively popular computer game.  Of course, this obviously labels him a "creep" even though he's must possess some social ability.  I mean, not only did he ask her for her phone number, but he did so in such a way that she was perfectly comfortable giving it to him.

I'll just break it down real simply for the girls that overuse this term.  We live in a world which requires a fair amount of face to face social interaction.  Since roughly 50% on this earth are male, roughly 50% of the people you interact with on a day to day basis will be male.  A good many of those guys will not be interested based solely on unavailability.  A good percentage of the rest will not be attracted to you for one reason or another (hint: VAPIDITY! (holy fuck is that actually a word?)).  Therefore you're probably not being creeped on at all!  Now go back to getting your crevice plundered by guys the rest of us wouldn't touch with a ten foot stick and a HazMat suit.


Staycation

How People Use It:
When you're to poo' to go anywhere on vacation so you stay home.  (Thank you wtf99999999 for putting the Urban in Urban Dictionary).

What it is:
Well yeah, pretty much the above.

Why I hate it:
It just reeks of the inferiority complex and sheep mentality that most people in society have, as well as the utterly unrealistic perceptions of virtually everyone in management.

Vacations can be fun, but they can be a huge hassle.  There's driving or plane tickets, outrageous sums of money being spent on hotels and random fees.  They suck horribly as often as they are actually relaxing.  Meanwhile just taking a day or two off of work to sit around the house and relax usually ends up being very enjoyable and not the least bit aggravating (as many cube dwellers will confess).

The problem is that one of the above scenarios is socially acceptable, and the other is not.  So people invented a term to attempt to legitimize the unacceptable option.  Seriously, go tell your boss you want a four day weekend to see family that lives 600 miles away.  Hey great have fun!  Now go tell your boss you want a four day weekend to just relax at home and not do much of anything.  You asshole, you undedicated piece of shit, where's your work ethic, do you care about this job, do you?!?

This is where I'm not going to digress into a rant about past issues I've had with this phenomenon.  Instead I think justifications for practices that are perfectly normal, but frowned upon by society are criminally retarded.



My thought / I envision

How They're Used:
Random Coworker - What is your take on X?
Corporate Drone - My Thought/I Envision.....idea

What it Means:
I'm too spineless to actually say something so I'm going to add a modifier to everything I say to avoid having to take responsibility if no one agrees with me.  It's like adding "or not!" to the end of every suggestion, but slightly more professional.

 Yeah...my thought is...

In my colorful and sordid past, I had a few coworkers that used one of these two or both before virtually every single thing they said.  It was so bad that I started throwing it in to my own speech in casual conversation as a joke, often when it didn't even make any sense.

Personally, I like to be involved in the things I do, not maintain some kind of intellectual aloofness by using stupid phrases like the above.  I'm not so insecure as to need to leave myself an out to back away if an idea isn't viable.


I could go on and on with phrases if I really thought it, but I won't because no one likes a tldnr entry, and thinking is for chumps.  Most of these stupid new words are conjured out of peoples inability to be realistic and/or to cover for traits or actions that are perfectly normal.  And it's only getting worse.  It's like some horrible version of 1984 newspeak, except Big Brother is one of the actual former "cast members" of Big Brother.

Sources:
All definitions from UrbanDictionary.com.
Except for the ones for the last phrase.  Those are from cvdictionary.com.
All pictures from the internet.

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