Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Six Tests to Determine if He's Mr. Right: A Response

The original article is here.

Since there are so few articles aimed at guys for finding Mrs. Right, I will write one.

And since we already know I'm a horrible pervert, we'll get that joke out of the way first.

1. When standing up against a wall, her boobs touch before her nose does.
2. Swallows...and cleans you off after.
3. No gag reflex.
4. Two words.  Bi. Curious.
5. Watches porn for new moves.
6. Makes a hell of a sandwich.

All kidding aside, on to the insightful portion of today's blog entry...

#1 - The fight thing
While I wouldn't encourage getting into a fight with your girl to see how she reacts, it is a good idea to observe how she responds. Not only to see how quickly she loses her cool, but also to see how she fights so you don't lose yours. I had an ex who would immediately either stop talking altogether, or start throwing the cheapest shots she could. While a good indicator of her level of maturity (and the fact that I should've sent her packing), at the very least it helped me respond better and address the conflict when she started getting pissy.

#2 - The trip thing
Though if you need two weeks and an entire continent to figure it out, you're a moron. I think going on a trip for a weekend or a week together is good for a different reason. It's a good window into what living with that girl will be like. A lot of couples (and roommates) move in together without a healthy respect for how difficult it is to live with someone. Do your sleep habits conflict (time, length, ambient noise, lighting)? Do you have different ideas of cleanliness? Do your daily routines conflict (vying for shower, bathroom, laundry time)? Do you need more privacy than you they? And so on.

#3 - Do something nerdy/ridiculous
What does she think of your "nerdy" hobbies? Does she make fun of you, does she try to hide or shy away from them, are they an embarassment? If so, drop kick her to the side. Does she respect them, does she try to learn more about them, does she confide some nerdy hobbies of her own? If yes, she's a keeper.  One loser ex of mine made fun of basically everything I did that she considered dorky or beneath her.  People are weird, they have eccentricities, enjoy them.

#4 - Watch her around other women
Not to gauge your possibilities for a menage a trois, but to see what kind of cattiness (if any) she'll display. Is she two faced, does she talk about her friends behind their back to her other friends, is she incapable of actually getting along with another female member of the human race? If so, that's not a good sign. If this girl is willing to be dishonest or behind-the-scenes mean to friends she's known for years, or talk shit about women she's barely met, how is she going to be able to handle your mom, your sisters, or other female friends and family members.

#5 - Watch her around other men. Watch her when you're around other women. How does she feel about porn?
Is there a discrepancy in how she feels she can act around her opposite sex friends versus how she feels you should act around yours? Does she flirt with every guy in existence, and maintain a high level of jealousy when you look at another woman? Is porn vile and disgusting? To me, two of the biggest qualities I want in a partner are a sense of fairness and realism. If she can't reach some level of equality on how you both act around the opposite sex, or can't wrap her head around the fact that guys watch porn sometimes (and women should too), I won't be able to get along with her.

#6 - Watch how she reacts when things start to snowball?
Does she pick herself up and keep plugging along? Does she curl into the fetal position and cry until someone does everything for her? How soon will she seek help? I think it's a good gauge of both independence and stubbornness in seeing how someone reacts when the bad shit starts to pile. One one hand, you can't be her moral supporter and suicide watcher every time she breaks a nail, but on the other, you don't want to be in the dark until she's already murdered six people because she accidentally overdrew her bank account one month.

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